Archive | May, 2011

Shart. Yes, I said, Shart

26 May

I would assume that in this day and age, most people would be aware of what a shart is. However, I know that some belonging to the older generation read my blog and they may not be as aware. So, I will do my best to explain what a shart is in the nicest possible manner. A shart is when you think it is just a fart, when in all actuallity it is not a fart and it is something much more uncomfortable. In most cases, a change of underwear is necessary (not that I know from personal experience). Why am I talking about sharts? Well, this is why…

I was working with a kindergartner today and we were sounding out words. This particular child thinks that every word should have an ‘s’ sound at the beginning. I have no idea why. I have made it my personal mission all year long to break him of this habit.He has been doing so well, until today… We were working on the ‘ar’ sound found in such words as ‘chart’, ‘cart’, ‘park’ and…’hart’

s + hart = shart

child completely unaware of saying said word + my extremely raunchy, childish sense of humor (coupled with lack of sleep) = me laughing till tears were running and child gaping, like I was nuts.

Good, hard laughter at complete randomness + my lack of laughter in weeks= the best day ever.



26 May

Oh.My.Lord. I have way too much junk. Like really, the entire apartment is floor to ceiling boxes and tubs and crates. Last night I packed up all the stemware and glasses and that alone took up a huge box the size of my ever growing ass. I have yet to pack up the appliances and pots and pans. I have completely avoided the closet like the plague. The idea of packing up an ungodly amount of shoes and purses makes me sick. I know I can’t bring it all in to my cousin’s house and I have been panicking about how I will chose which shoes to wear for the summer and which purses I will want to carry and the rest will be put in storage. How am I to know what shoes I will want to wear any given day? What if I want to wear my purple flats, but I decided  to pack those and my outfit is ruined? I get my style inspiration the day of, as I am dressing myself! How can I know now?? What if I pack up all my precious purses and a mouse gets in the box and makes Coach its new mouse castle? What if he chews a hole through Chinese Laundry, because it is not as high end and he needs a way to get to his friend’s house in Betsey Johnson? What if they poop all over my clothes and in my shoes? OH MY GOD! This is just too stressful! I am going to tackle this problem tonight and I will just have to deal with all my prized possessions being packed away in boxes like unwanted junk. I will deal with it like a big girl, because it is about damn time I just say, “Who cares” and go with the flow. If a stupid mouse shits all over my stuff, I can always take up a corner on 4th street and buy it all back at a later time…


24 May

I recently promised myself that I would refrain from using my blog as an outlet for my pain and anger during this not-so-fun time in my life. Anything I write further on the topic will be private, for my eyes only. While I was not respected, I am choosing to respect, as that is the moral thing to do. Before I go, however, I would like to share something a good friend said to me. This friend (oh, what a love/hate relationship we have) and I do not always see eye-to-eye. While I may not agree with the things he has said and done and I may drive him crazy, we share good memories and the desire to be there for each other. So, I take much of what he says to heart. He was comforting me during an especially hard day and he said to think of Toy Story any time my self-worth is low.

“Toy Story?” I asked, “Why Toy Story?”

He responded, “You are Woody. You may be the older, more broken-in toy, but you are reliable and better in every way. Buzz Lightyear may be new and exciting, but he is annoying and not too bright. Woody is a much better toy.”

I am Woody and damn proud of it.

Cities of Night

24 May

I have always loved this song, and now I know why. See bolded line below…

“Cities Of Night”

I’ve seen what you have made in all it’s beauty.
What I cannot create I recognize.
Let’s watch the night explode, just hold onto me.
I’ll whisper you this truth uncompromised.

Wait for a heart that never lies,
But not this time.
Watch those explosions in the sky and you’ll go blind,
But not this time.

Will you live in hope or dark desire?
What can I say?
Fuck love give me fire.

Have you seen what I’ve made beneath the wreckage?
Just suffer through the dust and there you’ll find
The color of a night that burned out from us.
Surrounded by it’s glow our city lies.

Wait for a love that never dies and you’ve lost life.
One overdoes just to survive.
We’ll shine this time.
We’ll make headlines

Will you live in hope or dark desire?
What can I say?
Fuck love give me fire.

Blaqk Audio

Pack Your Bags

23 May

Inverness, Scotland

Older than the Pyramids!

See? I told you, I take pictures of anything and everything!

He's wondering, "Can I catch gonorrhea, standing this close?"

Apparently this room was creepy? I just don't see it...

The sun was lazily peeking around the steeple of a church and through the turrets on the top of a century old building. There was no breeze and just a hint of coolness ticked my sun-drenched arms and face. The air smelled of fresh cut grass and fried fish and on top of that was a hint of something different, something foreign and strange. The ample sized river cutting through the village was dotted with specks of sun and there was a clear reflection of the cloud dotted sky. The green grass aside the gentle river looked so inviting, but there was no time for rest, no stopping the adventure. There were places to see, new and exiting things to eat and different people to meet. I snapped a picture of the perfect scene so that I would never forget that moment. I fondly look at the picture I took of that beautiful river and village in Inverness, Scotland all the time. Looking at that scene makes me feel an intense longing to relive every moment that took my breath away on that trip. That village scene, along with so many others, will forever be stamped on my heart, to never, ever forget. Ever.

Travel has to be one of my most favorite things to do in this beautiful life. I love the adventure of seeing new things and learning about different cultures and people. I am not so great at remembering dates and people of history, but I love to hear about it. When I stood in front of the ancient man-made mound at Newgrange in Ireland, I was in complete and utter awe of how old it was. The thought of so many years, so many people living and dying and it has stood there through it all, is simply amazing. I was lucky enough to see first-hand a monument older than the Egyptian Pyramids.

When I am lucky enough to travel to a new place, I am one annoying picture taker! I take a picture of literally EVERYTHING! “Oh look! It is an English pigeon, quite like that of our American pigeons, but it is in ENGLAND! *snap*” I feel as if I must document simply everything in case I am hit in the head and lose all of my precious memories. I think after my UK and Ireland trip I had over 600 pictures. Those were a blast to look through, and my mother, too excited to have been able to give me that experience, looked at each one with me.

I was just talking with the friend I got to experience Ireland, Scotland and England with and we were talking over each other with excitement, like it all just happened yesterday. “Remember that crazy drunk guy on the bus in Edinburgh who kept telling us not to look at him? Remember the pierced lady on the Royal Mile and how her holes smelled like cheese? Remember the elevator we had to pack into like sardines at the “creepy” B&B in Blackpool? Remember how it went like 2 miles an hour and how we laughed and laughed?” We both agree that Haggis with Neeps and Tatties, English midgets and Edinburgh ghost tours are about the best things ever. If we could do it all over again, we would in a heartbeat and nothing, not one thing would need to be changed.

I dream every night that I will get to see even more of the world. I hope that I will have the chance to take just as many pictures (if not more) and get to have the beautiful experience of incredible memories that I can relive again and again every night before I close my eyes.

“No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow” Lin Yutang

Never Think Less of You

22 May

I have had many good friends in my life. Some have stayed, some have moved on. Friends come and go like the ever changing direction of the wind, yet some stick around to the bitter end. There is a force at work when two people remain friends through the years and as the old adage says, “through thick and thin”. There is something very special at work when someone remains a fixture in your life even through all the ugliness and times that are less than stellar. There is something to say about a person who makes it a point to not lose contact with you through the years while you are gone and to go out of their way to come see you, just because. There is also something very special about a person who will tell you exactly how they feel about you, themselves, the world. There is no wondering, no guessing in this case, it is all there for you to see. You either take it or leave it. Well, I take it.

This post is for a very special friend who I do not have a lot of time to spend with. At the end of the summer she is off to an exciting life adventure and will be gone for awhile. I am so very excited for her, yet saddened that when I finally get to go home, she will be gone soon after. Yet, as I have always known, she will always be there, no matter the location we both reside in. She may be halfway across the world from me, yet she is always at my side.

I have to share something she said to me yesterday. I was asking her opinion of something I had done. I always value her opinion because I know she always gives it to me straight and does not just tell me what I would like to hear. There is no sugar coating bullshit with this girl, not ever. Her response flat out made me cry. Here it is:

“If I think you are being stupid I’ll tell you…I have no filter. But, know that I never think less of you. And I fully expect the same from you”.

That right there, friends, is the crucial ingredient to a successful friendship. Your friends may do and say stupid things, but if they are truly your friends, you do not think less of them, you tell them to shape up and then you go get fro-yo.

Thank you ma dear. And thank you to all of my other wonderful friends who would expect the exact same thing from me.

Sense of Direction

21 May

I do not have it. Like none. I get lost in my own house, “Is it right or left to the kitchen from the bedroom?” I have lived in Elko for what? Has it really been 3 years? Well, it’s been a long damn time and I got lost yesterday. Yes. I got lost in Elko. How anyone can get lost in Elko is beyond me. You just need to look for the Walmart at the top of the hill to know which direction you need to go in…shame.

I had a friend in HS who came from Oregon and had lived in Reno for less than a year. We were going somewhere down by Renown and I got all jumbled and didn’t know where to go. She spewed out the directions better than that annoying bitch on the Garmin. How in the heck did she know where to go? I was kind of ashamed, but lucky that I had someone with me who could direct my turns.

I remember I had every single class with my best friend at UNR. Anytime I somehow got in the lead towards our classes, I got a little nervous. Was I going in the right direction? Could I lead us successfully to our next class?? It was a lot of pressure. I would think, “Wait, where is Frandsen again?” I had only been going to UNR for a couple of years… In defense of myself, exiting a building in bright sunlight would confuse anyone. Right?

I think I need to get myself a GPS of some sort for my move back to Reno. It has been a long time since I really had to find anything other than the mall, Ashley’s house and mine while visiting. Good grief. Maybe I should start studying a street map…