Archive | June, 2011

Random Observation #…Hell, I Forgot…

30 Jun

I had to write a blog post about the most amazing random observation, quite possibly, of my life.  If you look really hard at the picture above, you will see a man. This man is sitting on some electrical box that is flanked by two cement columns. This man sits here, literally, everyday. He sits nice and straight and tall. He sits on this dirty plastic box like it is his thrown and that Keystone and the surrounding area is his bumdom. If you look at him, and hell, who wouldn’t, he nods as if to say, “Yes, you may only gaze upon my glorious self as an example that you will never sit on this here thrown (and if you try, I will cut you). He is quite possibly the most amusing and coolest hobo I have ever seen. He has to be crazy, but hell if crazy means you are a king and you get a thrown and loyal subjects who feed you their left over slurpees and burrito rollers, sign me the hell up!

I only hope one day I am as cool as King Vagrant the Valiant.

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An Extra Special Thank You

23 Jun

It doesn’t happen often when one can thank another for their hand in the changing of their life. Usually this occurs when someone does life-saving CPR on a dying person, or someone saves a little, old lady from being hit by a car in a cross walk. These instances are the more well known ways someone can help save someone they don’t know. They are not the only ways, oh no…everyday people affect the lives of others in ways many would never even be able to comprehend.

I want to say “Thank you” to the girl who stole my boyfriend away. She did an immensely huge favor for me by taking off my hands, a man I no longer loved. She took away the man who neglected me, who hurt me, who let me down time and time again. She took away the man I always had to make excuses for, because he was so rude to my family. She took away the man who had a wandering eye and most likely always wondered how many loose girls he could bag, if he could, if he just could. She took away the man who told me he would send me away to a home if I got cancer. She took away the man who ruined every single important event in my life because he felt no happiness for anything himself, so why should I?  She took away the man who hated the excitement I felt for life and the joys it brings. She took away a liar, a cheater and a man who wouldn’t know honor if it smacked him across his face. She took away a man who hates everything in life and the people he encounters. She took away a man who will never be more than he is now, a sad, pathetic person who cares for no one but himself. She took the burden I felt tying to “save” him, away. Thank you for letting me now save myself. It is my time.

It is always funny when a breakup involves another woman. Said woman thinks she will be the one to make things better, to save the poor broken hearted soul of the broken down man. She looks up to him as if he is a glowing god. He is older, smarter, more worldly, so wonderful. But, what these women seem to not see is the kind of man these men were to the women they loved. If a man will lie to the love of their life, what makes  you think they wont to you? If a man cheats on the love of their life, what makes you think they wont to you? If a man neglects and becomes distant to the woman they called the most important thing in their life, what makes you think that someday you will not be alone at home, sleeping, while he is meeting other women in the dead of night?

This special girl will most likely never read this, but I felt she needed to be thanked. If any of you have ever had a similar thing happen, please take a moment and reflect on what your life would be like had these other women not made such a huge impact on you. I know, had I stayed with him, I would be living a life of unhappiness, of what if’s, of regret and longing for something better.

In closing, thank you Other Woman, you saved my life. You saved my happiness and I can never thank you enough.

Set Fire to the Rain

12 Jun

I let it fall, my heart
And as it fell, you rose to claim it
It was dark and I was over
Until you kissed my lips and you saved me
My hands, they were strong, but my knees were far too weak
To stand in your arms without falling to your feet

But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you’d say, they were never true, never true
And the games you’d play, you would always win, always win

But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well, it burned while I cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

When laying with you I could stay there
Close my eyes, feel you here forever
You and me together, nothing is better

‘Cause there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you’d say, they were never true, never true
And the games you’d play, you would always win, always win

But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Well, it burned while I cried

‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
When we fell, something died
‘Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time

Sometimes I wake up by the door
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we’re already over
I can’t help myself from looking for you

I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touch your face
Well, it burned while I cried
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name
I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
When we fell, something died
‘Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, oh
Oh, no
Let it burn, oh
Let it burn
Let it burn

Adele

I could not have said it better myself. This is spoken straight from my heart from the lips of another.

Hmmm

11 Jun

I have no idea who I am. I am 28 years old and I feel like a kid. I am 28 years old and I have yet to work a single day in my chosen field. I am 28 years old and I have yet to be proposed to, yet to even have a dog, or even a pet fish. I am 28 years old and I have yet to own a home, have a child, cook chicken myself, or buy a car. There are people years younger than me who have had pets for years, children and a home to call their own. What is my deficiency? Why am I still living the life of a 21 year old? I am not living any differently than I did all those years ago. I just have a slightly more eclectic style and a savings account. It’s as if I have been transported back to my just legal self and I have to start all over, but this time I have more gray hairs to color and a few more laugh lines. Really, its pathetic…

Even worse, I have spent years loving the wrong men, thinking I could fix them, hoping they would someday be the men I needed and wanted. I could have the American Dream right now had I chosen wisely, had I said no when I was uncertain, yes when it felt right…had I not been so blind. An even more puzzling predicament is, do I even want the American Dream? Do I even want to be married, tied down? Do I even want to take care of snotty, screaming children for 18 years? Do I even want to be tied down to the same location with a mortgage and a white picket fence? I have no clue what I want. Maybe I want to travel the world, learn new languages and meet new, strange people. Maybe I want to meet a sexy Brit who I can love and then leave for a Spaniard? Maybe I don’t ever want to love again. Maybe I want to be a crazy cat lady. I hate cats, but they don’t leave you when you feed them. Maybe I want to become a nun, take the vow of chastity so I can never be tempted by love via the flesh. Maybe I just want to find true happiness in whatever form it may come in.

Maybe…I don’t know. I never really know.

The Diary of a Single Girl

4 Jun

My blog has slowly shifted from an account of my life in the wild west, to recounting exciting travels and daily observations to sharing tidbits of my new, foreign life as a single girl. I was thinking recently about the ratio of single years I have had and and relationship years. Shockingly, the single part is not actually in years, but mere months. I am not so swell at math, but I have come up with a grand total of 9 months of singledom that I have experienced, since I was fifteen…Pretty much I have deduced that it is me time. I need to be single. I need to sow my wild oats before I am too old to actually sow without my back hurting or worrying about my bedtime.

I will continue to make observations and describe my travels, joys and passions, but here on out, this blog is not about Elko. This blog is about me and the adventures I will likely go through as a single girl looking to find myself again. It will be a crazy, sad, intense, exciting journey and I hope you will all join me on this road towards who I really am. I know that you will all be an integral part of the process by listening and understanding, by supporting. Here we go.

New Life

2 Jun

Whew! It has been a crazy first week of my new life. Almost a week ago, I drove away from Elko and my previous life to enter into a new, more exciting chapter. It has been non-stop since. The drive was pretty uneventful, until the tarp covering all my furniture disintegrated within ten minutes of driving and when we got to the storage shed in Reno, it was snowing like crazy! My brother then proceeded to smack my dad in the face with a bungee cord and I thought there would be bloodshed. Oh boy! From those first few hours back home to now, a lot has happened. Every single day has been a new adventure. My first night in my new digs, I had a very helpful two-year-old dump all my hangers all over the floor, drench the dog in lotion and run nekkid all over the house. Let me just say, with a two-year-old roomie, life is never dull.

I have seen my best friend every single day and I can’t get enough of my time with her. My first full day back was spent chatting the hours away at an Irish tea house with her and another friend. Tea in dainty little cups and scones with lemon curd? Heaven! The Isles is quickly becoming my new favorite place. It is quiet, familiar and friendly. It reminds me of my time in Ireland and best of all, being there makes me happy. It is all about me and my happiness now.

I got to spend some time with an extra special girl, who knows all about the pain I have experienced, as she has felt the same exact pain. But, instead of pain, we are now bonding on the level of future promise and happier tomorrows (It helps that booze is involved).

I had a lesson plan presentation for a job on Tuesday. It was terrifying walking into at first, yet by the end, I had another job opportunity presented to me and a new confidence that makes me walk a little taller. I will be alright.

Today I spent a small fortune on pampering myself. It was all about ME  and for once, I did something for myself, without the guilt that I should be thinking of someone else. I had my feet pedicured, my hands manicured, I wined and dined and then I bought a sexy new dress for a wild night out.

A really, really good looking guy kept smiling at me at breakfast today. It made me feel beautiful, wanted, free…

This new life is what I needed, craved. I will be alright. I will be just fine.